Executive Function - Working Memory: Why Your Child Forgets What You Just Said

Executive Function Skill #2 of 11

By Katrin Kusek, EdD| ADHD & Executive Function Coach

Part of the Executive Function Skills Series. Start with Post #1: "What Are Executive Function Skills? A Parent's Guide."

You Just Told Them. How Do They Not Remember?

You carefully explained the three things you needed your child to do before dinner. They looked you in the eye. They even nodded. Two minutes later, they've done none of them — and have no idea what you asked.

Or maybe you've watched your child read the same paragraph four times, still unable to hold onto what it said. Or asked them to do one thing while you grab your keys, only to return to a child who has somehow forgotten in under 30 seconds.

Before you conclude that your child simply isn't listening — let's talk about working memory.

What Is It?  Working memory is the ability to hold information in your mind while simultaneously using it. Think of it as your brain's mental whiteboard — temporary, limited in space, and essential for nearly every cognitive task.

Why Working Memory Matters More Than You Think

Working memory is involved in almost everything your child does at school and at home: following directions, doing mental math, reading comprehension, writing, having a conversation, staying on task. When it's weak, even a child with average or above-average intelligence can struggle significantly.

The frustrating irony? Children with poor working memory often appear lazy or inattentive — when in reality, information is simply not staying accessible long enough for them to act on it.

What Working Memory Challenges Look Like

In Younger Children (Ages 5–10)

•       Forgetting multi-step directions almost immediately

•       Losing their place in tasks — starting something, forgetting the next step

•       Struggling with reading comprehension despite being able to decode words

•       Difficulty with mental math — can't hold one number while working with another

Real Life:  You say 'Put your shoes by the door, get your backpack, and bring me your lunchbox.' Your child walks into the hallway, stops, and comes back to ask what they were supposed to do.

In Tweens and Teens (Ages 11–18)

•       Losing track of what they were doing mid-task

•       Difficulty following lecture content while also taking notes

•       Starting a sentence and forgetting the point halfway through

•       Forgetting to turn in completed work, or forgetting deadlines despite knowing them

Real Life:  Your teen stays after class to ask the teacher a question, but by the time they get to the front of the room, they've completely forgotten what they were going to ask.

Working Memory and ADHD

Working memory deficits are among the most well-documented challenges in ADHD. Research consistently shows that children with ADHD perform significantly below their peers on working memory tasks — not because of low intelligence, but because of how their prefrontal cortex manages temporary information storage.

This has a powerful implication for parents: nagging and repeating instructions rarely helps — and often makes things worse by adding stress to a brain that's already overloaded. What helps is externalizing the memory.

Strategies That Actually Help

1. Reduce Instruction Load

Give one instruction at a time. Seriously. Not two. Not three. One. Wait for completion before the next step. This isn't coddling — it's working with your child's brain instead of against it.

2. Externalize the Memory

If something needs to be remembered, it should live somewhere outside the brain — on a sticky note, a whiteboard, a phone reminder, a checklist on the fridge. Working memory support isn't cheating; it's accommodation.

3. Ask Them to Repeat It Back

Before they walk away, have your child repeat the instruction back to you in their own words. This rehearsal encodes it more deeply. Make it collaborative, not a test: 'Just so we're on the same page — what are you going to do first?'

4. Use Visual Anchors

For reading comprehension, teach your child to pause after every paragraph and say (or write) one sentence summarizing what they just read. This offloads working memory demands onto the page.

5. Reduce Background Load

Working memory gets depleted faster when a child is stressed, tired, hungry, or overwhelmed. Address the basics first — sleep, nutrition, emotional regulation — and you'll often see working memory performance improve.

💡 Coaching note: If your child's working memory challenges are affecting their school performance significantly, a neuropsychological evaluation can identify the degree of the deficit and inform targeted accommodations — including extended time, reduced copying tasks, and preferential seating.

About Katrin Kusek, EdD

Katrin Kusek, EdD is an ADHD and executive function coach and parent trainer. She works with families of children and teens navigating ADHD and executive function challenges, and coaches young adults through major life transitions — including the leap into college.